Conclusions of a Hypercritical Mind..: July 2010

A Memo to Self-I

Jul 28

These are actual Post-it Notes that are on my table. Some are written by me, Some by others. Yet, I can relate to all of them.

posted under A Memo to Self | 11 Comments

This entry was written when the author was attending an assemblage in Lucknow. The conglomerate consisted of people from all over the world, with sole intention of a spiritual progress. Cliché? If so, try to continue your endeavor of analyzing the underwritten conclusion without a prejudice….It might just be worth it.

Right now, across me sits a newly wed couple with hands in hands, sharing a single chocolate pastry, and hardly saying anything. The bride is wearing the typical Indian Wedding Saree, while the lucky groom is wearing a very simple T-shirt and Jeans. Romantic? Think twice, dear readers of mills and booms cuz this isn’t your typical guy-meets-girl-and-fall-in-Love. It's far from it.

They have never met ever before except a day before, had absolutely no idea of with whom they'll be tying the knot (pardon my Indian-ness, I prefer saying this then 'taking vows'), not even the nationality of their to-be-beloved, when they landed on the Indian soil a week ago. Yeah, they got married today in front of 70000 people they have never met before; to a partner they met a day before, by a custom with which they share no familiarity(actually, they got married in less then 5 minutes as it was supposed to be a union of soul, so no rituals). The only solace being that all this is being done under the guidance and blessings of the one person they love the most- they one they call their GURU.

I know it sounds weird, crazy, idiotic, creepy and to some even eerie. Accepting to spend your entire life with a person you know nothing about would be beyond your ability to comprehend, if you have had no inkling to the concept of arrange marriage that still prevails in the Indian society, as opposed to the western culture. But let’s just go down the memory lane of Marriage, and see if it really is that weird to spend the remaining part of your existence with a stranger….!

The cave men in the pre-historic epoch, led a life guided by animalistic instincts- to feed and to re-create. However, their excessive sexual drive(maybe due to the absence of clothed female partners*grins*) led them to have coitus with many partners. This led to the archaic version of the modern paternity issue.

HAHAHA...LOL!!

“Who was the Father of the new-born?” was the question that troubled the Phallus bearing member of the society. So as to ensure the fidelity of the female, and to ensure sole access to the female, the concept of marriage was idolized. In exchange of responsibility to feed one or many females, the male was ‘given’ their hand to him.

Then, with beginning of society with rules and laws, the concept of marriage progressed from a whimsical institution of pro-creation to a medium for strengthening alliances. Kingdoms were won by marriages and fights were fought for marriages. Even then, the parents decided the fate of their children.

Taj Mahal-Symbol of love/Marriage?

For centuries, marriage was familial affair, with union based on common goal. And it wasn’t that the union was a loveless one. Some of the epic love stories like Shahjahan and Mumtaz, or Jodha-Akbar etc can be cited in my defense. Yet, the idea of marrying someone we don’t know, let alone ‘love’ seems too revolting to us. Yes, even to me.

The idea of loving and then marrying, rather than the other way round, originated with the propagation of individualism in the western world. Shakespeare played his part; portraying dying for love in such a subtle way, that youth of his time would rather die without love, than live without love. And the idea has since then continued. We wait for the right one to come by, till then we ‘enjoy’ with the ones that pass by.

Consider this. In 1982, Dr. Usha Gupta and Dr. Pushpa Singh of the University of Rajasthan surveyed 50 couples in the capital city. Half of them had arranged marriage and other half constituted the married based on love, with couples being together for varying length of time. Each person separately completed the Rubin Love Scale and the results were analyzed.

Result: The couple that have had love marriage and were together for less than a year score average of 70 points out of 91. However, these figures gradually fall with time with average being 40 after 10 years. On the other hand, the couples in arrange marriage were less in love at the outset, averaging 60 points initially, but their feeling increased with time, reaching 68 after 10 years.

Arrange Marriage-Is it really a restrain?

So maybe, it indicates that love marriage starts out on fire but grow cold with time, but arrange marriages start cold but grow hot…or at least warm.

*Sigh.*

This brings me back to where I started. Their family members have now surrounded the couple, with the grooms’ mother supposedly fussing over her daughter-in-law. It’s hard to really know what is happening, as the groom is form Iran and bride from Iraq. A multi-national union is a rarity, and I'm glad to witness it. :)

Anyways, it reminds me that this entry wasn’t supposed to be about marriage at all. Yet it has become. It was to be about faith, about their ‘blind trust’ on their Guru.

It’s total surrender to his will that I saw today. And they weren’t the only one. 10 more couples were tied in wedlock. (And 6 the next day). It was this faith that got me thinking.

Some would say that they are fools. Might be. But some would say they are the luckiest. To have someone you can totally depend upon is the biggest boon one can ask for. May be.

But the point is, they were indeed the happiest. Because they trusted their Guru so much that they were ready to take everything they would encounter on their path as a part of Divine will, even miseries. And this relieved them of all cribbing, of all blames, and most of all, responsibility.

Conclusion:

I am not here to chastise the married couples, or to discourage you to undertake love-marriage. Nor am I here promoting Arrange marriage as the key to a happy married life.

I am myself fighting my own demons to have a proper conclusion right now. A week ago, I myself would have found the idea of marrying by someone else’s choice, even my parents, abject and atrocious to say the least. This entry was an attempt to understand those demons, and I have failed. Though it hardly matters, as its more than a decade before I’ll actually even consider saying, “to have and to hold……”.

Love, Hope and Prayer..all stand on Faith.

But Faith. It matters. It’s a funny thing you know. You don’t really have it until you have nothing at all. And if you have it, you need nothing at all. Some have faith I their parents, forever ready to their bidding. Some trust their spiritual masters, especially in India and Orientals. And the question worth considering is, do we really trust ourselves to make the right decision alone?

It’s still a long journey for me. Maybe someday, I will eventually stumble upon Pandora’s box. Till then, I guess I’ll have to struggle with you Mr. G.O.D.

-Setu 'Se2' Gupta

posted under Conclusions, Faith, Relationships | 25 Comments

Conclusions of a Hypercritical Mind..

A Memo to Self-I

Marriage: Faith v/s Love

Archive

Popular Posts

Recent Comments