Into The Shining Sun...
Sitting outside in the patio with a cup of steaming green tea in one hand at 4 in the morning on a (very) cold wintery day provides for the perfect air for contemplation. And with the year at its end, I can’t help but introspect. Nostalgia is the after effect of going through the past 365 days of my life.
Last year I was, during this very time, some 2000 Kilometers away from family and friends, in a completely foreign city, all alone. I had started my year in search for some answers. And serenity, maybe. Without submitting further into it, I shall just say that my mind was in turmoil regarding some recent developments and I was not happy. So I ventured off to a lone trip.
How glad I am that I undertook that trip. To impress upon you the after-effect of that wonderful lone journey, it’s suffice to say that my brother and I are planning to spend a week there soon enough.
I started my year when I was at my lowest. I am ending it by riding on the highest wave there ever was. And the high tide accompanies with it the prospect that it's going to end soon.
One of the major disadvantages of growing up too soon & having parents who allowed and encouraged you to make your own decisions since you were 13 is that by the time you finish of your teenage and take stock of your life, the number of decisions that you probably are going to regret is invariably higher than your fellow mates, who in all likelihood started taking real decisions an year or two back. In such a scenario, you have to be careful so as not to give into the feeling of despair at your past mistakes.
However, I learnt this an year too late.
The past year and some more had seen me being surrounded by self-doubt and regrets. I wasn't sure of some of my choices that I took, and always wondered why I even considered them in the first place. There had been so many moments in my life when I would just wonder how my life would have been had I done things differently. And the difficulty with analyzing a situation with 'What if….' is that it always lead you to believe that things would have been better, which distorts the perspective one should have.
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| It's only our choices that define us... |
Every single step I made seems to have fallen in the right places. Was I guided by some force…? I don't know. Do we really make conscious choices, or is it just our ego that believes we are taking course of our life…? I don't even know this. Someday I'll discuss these philosophical and theological questions.
But, at this very moment, I feel part of something bigger. I feel as if I am closer to Universe. Not because I don't have problems right now, or I am not cribbing. But because I can understand the nature of things at some subtle level.
All these months, I had been so close to the puzzle, trying my best at rectifying just one part of it, that I couldn't see the larger picture that was being formed.
And in midst of all these decisions, the most significant one is when I decided to let go.
The fishes, during certain periods of year, migrate. And in doing so, they search for some currents that takes them, without any hassles to their destined destinations. The fishes 'choose' their own current, and after that, they simply let go.
I, a piscean, am currently flowing with the stream. And I am not to keen of coming out of it too soon. Till it lasts, I just want to enjoy the view of where I am heading.
Had I done things differently in the past, I would not be here writing these very lines. And things have turned out so much better than I used to conjure them in my mind when playing 'What if..."
Yes, I do have regrets. But if given a chance to go back in time and change things, I would CHOOSE to not do so.
Maybe it's the green tea that is having this effect. :-)
But, I am happy.Yes, in accordance to my previous post, I still don't know how to define happyness, or state the criteria for it. But, I have realized that being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It simply means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.
I had been running so feverishly after happyness for past 12 months, that blinded by the pursuit I ran past it in the very beginning only. And ever since then, the harder i tried, the farther I ran away from it. It's only when I looked back that I saw happyness trying to catch me. And all I have to do now is just stall, take a deep breath, enjoy the view and wait for it to catch up.
And in the past few months, I encountered few beings who in very short span of time became a part of the puzzle. These people, without even realizing bore the promise with them that things are not so bad. They never were. And as the final pieces of the jig saw were falling into places, I found hope. The pandora's box was finally within my grasp. And as I become part of another puzzle, I am not too sure wether I want to open the box yet.
Along with these new persons, I want to thank my 'old' Friends, who have been with me through all the thickest parts, juggling with my mood swings, withstanding my swears and rudeness. For without them, I would have broken by now; My family, for simply being there; and all those readers who kept on prodding me to write with their mails, thereby increasing my confidence to pick my pen again.
Never would I write about my personal life was something I had decided the moment I started with this journal. It's for those once in a while mails asking for my absence that I am breaking my this rule for once at least. It is to give explanation as to why I wasn't active in these past few months.
Conclusions:
And as I take the last sip of the tea, and watch the sun rise, I can't help but look forward to what's in hold for me next.
Because In the end, I know it's going to be worth it. It always is.
P.s- Happy New Year to all the readers, commentors, and lurkers.
P.p.s- By the way, how's the new theme??
-Setu 'Se2' Gupta
27 Commendable Insights:
Yayyy you blogged! Very, very good post. My favorite part was "...being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It simply means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections." So freaking true.
And also, I believe, everything happens for a reason. Just thought I'd throw that in there(:
Happy new year!
Hey Sana...Thanks a lot for such a wonderfully warm welcome...:-)
You being the First commentor on my first blog of this year means you are going to be there for a long time now...At least I sure hope so...:))
And keep throwing in things now and then at me..You might never know which one will stick for a long time...
Happy new Year to you too....:-)
Yet another piece of excellent work by u.. :)
every time I read your blogs I'm able to connect with them.. :)
the hardest part is letting go off something..and you did that..feel proud of yourself.. :)
Always there for you.. :)
i like the y in happyness...:D
@Anchal- You connect with them..or with me?
And honestly speaking, these would not have been possible without your support...so thanks a lot for that...:-)
@He-Man:- Finally you comment...! *sigh*
May god bless you with a lil' bit of maturity...:D
Superb!! I jus love it :)
and the best part is tht all u've written can be felt. Finally, happyness is finding its way... :D
@Anjali-Thanks a lot for such a beautiful expression..And yeah, happyness is finding it's way back to US...:-)
And the best compliment was that which you have not written here...:-)))
Austapalicious!! (Don't worry that's not a word, just to express how awesome this was) :D
I opened up my email and found this, expecting myself to read the first paragraph and hopping back to my poker game, but well, I couldn't :P
I was forced to read the whole thing :D
Absolutely brilliant! :)
wonderful expression of human mind's
dichotomous states,always uncertain to foresee what is best for future.If seen in totality all 'unwanted/unpleasant situations'of past were in fact necessary component n stepping stones for onward journey.Analogy of fish is full of deep inner wisdom,and truthfully the only way to experience the happyness n grandeur of life.
@anant-Forced to read..? I sure hope it wasn't because I had a gun pointed at your temple..?
Waise, thanks for such wonderful words, much appreciated.
@Dad- Thanks dad. I guess I borrowed some of the ideas here from you only. :-)
indeed a very good post after such mammoth amount of time. it feels good to read every piece of it and u knoe what in between i was like trapped in the storms of memories...acha?
IS THAT So?
and yeah one more reason why its so connecting---u can find a part of you in those lines.
@Aheed-Thanks a lot for such kind words..I am glad I could be the medium for you to go back into time and be a part of what you once were...
However, I am surprised that you said you could find a part of me...doesn't every post of mine has something or the other of me..? atleast I used to pride on that fact..:-)
really nice post!!!
loved the conclusion!
and
Happy New Year!!!;)
no i was referring to myself...
i can find a lot things which actually happened with me as well and you penned them down...
:)
Same here..Was able to see myself in this one..a lot. :)
Superlike the pisces-fish relation!
Happy New Year! :))
And the new theme isn't as good as its predecessor..:)
@Aheed- Oh k...confusion in the usage of 'you'...!
Nice of you to said that though...
@Dimpy- Am glad you too could see yourself...I guess the feeling of despair and overcoming is universal..! : )
And well...new theme is in sync with a more optimistic and brighter ME..! :P
Loved it. As usual. Happiness is a state of mind, and to be true, it's a bit HYPED.
And mistakes are never to be regretted, they make us who we are. An Eagle can only learn to fly after almost falling off a few times.
And sometimes, it's best if all the pieces of the puzzle DON'T fit, otherwise, what's the fun of the game? The fun is OVER, the minute you win it!
Right?
New theme nice.
P.S. (Because I always wanted to say this,) WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG???
i hope i would expect something to come soon next time. because setu sir is again finding himself standing in front of choices
I just chanced across ur blog ..... And omg ..... It is soooo amazing ....! Do continue ... :)
Ps. I have always kindof envied the writers ....... As i have never been able to express the way they do ....... But i just cant help but admire their works ..... :-)
@NC- So Niyam, finally on to blogger..huh!!?!
Thanks for such wonderful insights. I always look forward to your addition..: )
And there is a very long story about what took me so long. hope to share it here soon.
Thanks for stopping by. :)
@Aheed- I am not standing n front of choices
Aheed. After a certain point of time, you stop making them. Things just happen.
Like it did now. And you were the witness. :)
@ Shiuli- Thanks for stopping by, and taking your time to comment. Much appreciated and Welcome to my conclusions.
I do hope to continue.
Btw, I am not a writer. I am just a person who loves to express himself through the art of writing. That's it.
Very nice post and so true that everything going perfect and being happy are not propositional. Love it
Everything does happen for a reason :)
I likee your blogg and the background! :)
AL :)
In life, happiness is always around the corner, and its an ever evasive one.
A well written post, and happy writing. Cheers.
@Talha- Thanks for stopping by, and taking out time to comment.
Really appreciate it.
@Al-Thanks man. Welcome to my conclusions.
@A Great Liar- So well put. Welcome to my conclusions. : )
And a happier writing to you..: )
Heyyyy i gave you an award.. check my blog outtttttt
These kind of courses are very important to the society that we live in if these kind of courses were start before the situation was much batter
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